I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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