my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
