I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
