I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
