Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
