He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
