summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
