So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
