Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
