i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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