i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
