It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
