he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
