Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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