Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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