what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
