Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
