i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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