Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
