You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
