Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
