Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
