so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
