Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
