he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
40s are totally the cure
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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