Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize