did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
