; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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