a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
