She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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