i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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