Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
