In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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