so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
