I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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