dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
