You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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