If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
