you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
