Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
