I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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