arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
