Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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