I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize