The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
