I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
