A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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