David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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