Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
