What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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