you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
