they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize