Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
