I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
