Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Damn victory sex feels great
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
