He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She needs sedatives and a leash
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
