She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
