I would go down on you faster than GM stock
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
