I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
