We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
