I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
