Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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