yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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