he told me I talked like a deaf person
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
