The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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