if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
