we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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