Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
